I Don't Hate Her
by twilightstargazer
Summary: Petunia Dursley never hated her sister. One shot.


**I Don't Hate Her**

Petunia Dursely never hated her sister.

Despite what most people think, they never hated one another. In fact, she was jealous of her sister. For the first nine years of her sister's life they were best friends, the closest they came to hate was the normal sibling rivalry.

But when Lily showed signs of magic that was when the discord began.

Petunia remembers how she felt when she realized that her sister was a witch. She felt betrayed. Lonely. And hurt. Most of all hurt. She was hurt because her sister did something different from her. Usually, Lily had looked up to Petunia. Idolized her in a way. Whatever Petunia did, Lily followed suit. But when she showed signs of magic, Petunia realized that that was something she would never be able to do. She was hurt because her sister, her little sister who she watched over in school, had grew up without her knowing and was now heading into a world that Petunia could never fully be part of.

And that was how her jealously sparked.

She was jealous because her parents were so proud to have their Lily be something special. She was jealous because when she was younger and read about witches and wizards in fairytales, she thought that they were amazing. So to see her sister be something like that, Petunia could not help but to feel a little bitter. And, no matter how much she would vehemently deny it, Petunia also wanted to be a witch, just like her sister.

If Petunia were to play the blame game, she would have put most of the blame squarely on Serverus Snape's shoulders. He was the one who had told her sister when she was nine that she was a witch. He was the one who took away at least two years of normalcy and sisterhood.

If things went normally, like it should have been, Lily would have gotten the letter when she eleven and Petunia might have been able to convince her not to go. To stay there at Cokeworth with her. But Lily was stubborn, Petunia fondly remembers as she stares at a picture of her younger sister. When she had her mind set on something, there was no way in hell that you could move her. And Lily was determined to go to that magic school and there was nothing that Petunia could do to stop her.

Petunia remembers when her sister first left for the school. She was crying, begging Petunia to forgive her for something the poor child did not do. But she was adamant. She would not, could not forgive her sister for abandoning her. Petunia remembered how when Lily got the letter, making it official that she was going to the school, she had shut herself up in her room and cried for hours. For the rest of the summer, she had ignored her sister, leaving Lily in befuddlement as to what she did wrong.

Whenever her parents received letters from Lily, they were all smiles while Petunia was all frowns. She missed her sister. There was nothing else to it. They wrote back to Lily obviously, but Petunia never put her two cents in. She was exhibiting her sister's stubbornness and refused to write anything and said to her parents that if Lily really valued her opinion she would come back home. Her parents were upset with her antics, but the believed that Petunia was just adapting to life without her.

Whenever Lily came home from school, Petunia ignored her. For her Christmas and Easter breaks she only told her sister 'hello' and 'goodbye.' When she returned home for their summer holidays, Petunia switched to a new tactic: insults. She assumed that her feelings of jealousy were those of hatred and dislike, but now looking back on it, she realized that it simply was jealousy. They got into numerous arguments over the summer, several of them turned into fist fights and screaming at each other until they were blue in the face.

The next summer was the same, but the summer after that was when Petunia had a chance to get back her sister. Lily had come home the summer after her third year mumbling about some Potter boy who, from what Petunia had gathered, was an annoying prat that did not know how to take 'no' for an answer. If Petunia racked her brain, she would realize that Lily had mentioned this Potter boy several times in the past two summers. However this summer was different. This summer her sister was exposed to the world of boys.

Lily was afraid to go to her mother about it and she wouldn't dream of telling her father that a boy not only asked her out once, but nearly thirty times that term. So that left her with her older sister. Nonetheless, Petunia did not pay attention to her and slammed the door in her face with a snide remark when she came with her boy issue. Lily ended up marrying the Potter boy and having a son. This drew her further into the Wizarding world and further away from her sister. Sometimes Petunia looks back on it and wonders that if she did talk to her sister that day she may have been able to talk her out of having anything to do with the boy. But it's in the past now. She can't change it.

Fourth year's summer was the same, only change was Lily had become a prefect, but fifth year was when Lily attempted to reconcile with Petunia once more. Apparently she and Severus had gotten into a horrendous row just before the term ended and she needed someone to talk to. Petunia remembered how she just ignored her sister as always and went out with her friends.

Lily's summer after her sixth year was a rather rocky one. Their father, who has been suffering from cancer for the last eight years of his life, had passed away just two weeks after Lily had come home. The girls and their mother were distraught. Once, Petunia saw Lily crying but made no move to comfort her. Instead, she sneered at her and went on with her life. She was hurting too, of course, but back then, when the wound was still raw, she blamed Lily for their father's death. She remembered the night after the funeral while Lily was still crying, she was angry and bitter and started spewing nonsense about it was Lily's not being there that did this. That it was all her fault. Lily didn't even fight back; she didn't even acknowledge her sister. She just sat there with a vacant look in her eyes.

During that same summer, Petunia started to date Vernon Dursley. She never pictured Vernon to be the man she would fall in love with. But he made her feel special, like she was worth something and also 'hated' her sister. At first Petunia was tempted to tell him that she never hated Lily, but then realized that she would have to explain the jealousy thing and the witch thing. Petunia thought that it might freak him out just a tad. Also during that same summer was when Lily found out that she was head girl. Her mother was elated of course, genuinely smiling for the first time since the funeral, but Petunia felt even more dejected. To her, Lily getting a head girl badge made her even more of a part of the Wizarding world. Like she belonged there.

During Christmas break Lily came home with a boyfriend. The Potter boy who Petunia had heard her rant and rave about to her parents for six consecutive summers was Lily's new boyfriend. Petunia could not deny that the boy was cute, and he was obviously smitten with Lily. He looked at her with the same adoration that Vernon looked at her with. She couldn't help but think that those two were going to get married one of these days. That was the final thing which made her realise that her sister was never going to be the same again.

While Lily was in her second term, Vernon proposed to Petunia. They were dating for several months and Petunia said yes. They agreed to have the wedding in early June. Then, just days before their wedding, the Potter boy proposed to Lily. They decided to get married in mid-August. Petunia's wedding went off without a hitch, the only bump being that Lily was not a bridesmaid. Naturally Mrs. Evans was upset that her daughters' relationship was so weak, but she managed to cheer up with all the wedding preparations going on.

When Lily got married, Petunia did not go to her wedding. Her mother told her that it was horrible etiquette to not show up for your own sister's wedding, but Petunia ignored her. Shortly after, Lily's wedding however, their mother passed away. She had died quietly in her sleep of a heart attack. The doctors were baffled as to how someone who was in perfectly good health, never showed the slightest chance of having attack got one. While they were giving their reports to Petunia, she took a glimpse at her sister and saw that she was wearing a small sad smile on her face. Furious, Petunia rounded on Lily and asked her what there was to be smiling about at a time like this. Still wearing the little smile, Lily told her sister that their mother didn't die from a heart attack; she died of a broken heart as she never fully recovered from their father's death. Not even waiting for Petunia's response, she walked out of the hospital. That was the last time she ever spoke face to face with her sister. The only other time they talked was for the funeral where they just said a terse 'hello' and 'goodbye' to one another. She never saw Lily after that.

Then a couple months later, both sisters became pregnant just a few months apart. They sent each other short succinct letters letting them know of it. Petunia's son, Dudley, had been born in early June while Lily's son was born at the end of July. Lily, in one last attempt to piece together their broken relationship, had sent Petunia a picture of her new born son. Petunia had just glimpsed at it, noting the unruly hair and green eyes, just like her sister's, briefly before she threw it away.

As Petunia sat there on the bed with one year old Dudley in her arms, she had a thought. Maybe she and her sister could resolve things. The last form of correspondence that they had was during Christmas. Lily sent her a beautiful card which simply said 'Merry Christmas.' Petunia in turn sent her a vase from Marge. That was nearly a year now. In the end, Petunia decided that she would pen a letter to her sister tomorrow, November first. The beginning of a new month should be perfect for a new beginning in their relationship. Maybe she could invite Lily over for tea and she could bring her son… what's his name again…? Harry. Yes, that's it. She could bring her son Harry over for a play date with Dudley or something. Yes, that would be delightful. Then Petunia could at least try to make amends.

Yes, Petunia Dursley never hated her sister. She was simply young, naïve and jealous. She thought that her sister was leaving her for good. If her sister did leave her good, then it would be rational to hate her. But she didn't. No, she didn't leave her and she would never leave her. After all, her sister was a witch. How much of an inconvenience would it be to just pop over for some evening tea?


End file.
